I’m sitting here watching How I Met Your Mother alone cause I’m stuck at home for my grad party that has a buncha old asian people and can’t go see my boyfriend perform :/

welp I’m back on Tumblr cause school is finally over :o

No matter how hard I try I cannot maintain the little happiness I have. It seems like no matter how “perfect” my life might be, I just never feel truly appreciated. I always feel so alone, no one ever fucking cares. I sit here and try to remind myself of all the people that love me and all the great things I have, but it’ll never make this empty feeling go away. Everything I have gone through has really made my self esteem and self confidence go to shit. The little confidence I did have is nonexistent now. So many things made me come to believe that I’ll never be fucking good enough. And that everyone won’t appreciate me until it’s finally too late. I wish I didn’t fucking feel like this. I wish I could just pretend like shit didn’t permanently fuck me up inside. I wish I could just be the way I use to be. I wish I was capable of truly being happy. One day… one fucking day, I will escape this sadness and be happy with myself.

We will fucking get through this. This isn’t the end. He makes me happier than anyone else is capable of. He needs me just as much as I need him. His desperation to prove that his love is genuine to make up for our previous relationship should show that I can trust him. I can fucking do it. Things that happened years ago will not drive us to the end. He means way too fucking much to me, I cannot just let go no matter how hard it is going to get. I do not know what I’d do without him

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Me and David were watching a documentary on 2pac and Biggie, we could not take that shit serious cause they kept saying 2 PACK….. uh ya

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I seriously get mad over pointless things. I am always doubting my boyfriend’s feelings toward me. 

Yesterday I really got so mad at my boyfriend because he wouldn’t let me call him smurf……

Every single time my boyfriend says something like I love you, I miss you, you’re the best girlfriend I could ask for, etc. I always doubt him, tell him I don’t believe him, and that it just seems like bullshit.

And what makes it worse is he puts up with it, never gets mad, and is always really understanding.

If only I had the balls to actually say that to you today when you asked that exact question…….

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